Discarding Romantic Notions Can Help Save Marriage
Why is it that the rate of divorce has been increasing over several decades? Our grandparent’s generation tended to marry for life, and they somehow managed to make it work. Perhaps this is because they had different expectations. Maybe we can help save marriage by taking a more practical and less romantic approach.
Don’t expect your spouse to save you from all your problems. This is the stuff of fairy tales. In real life couples struggle daily with issues like balancing life and work, handling less than perfect kids and paying the bills. There are going to be tough times and disappointments that you both will have to face together.
Romantic Fiction: My partner will change after the wedding. People’s basic personalities don’t change unless they suffer brain damage. The person you fell in love with (idiosyncrasies, irritating habits and all) is the person you’re going to have to learn to live with.
Don’t confuse being in love with loving someone. The intense and crazy romantic infatuation and sexual desire we feel for someone when we first fall in love doesn’t last forever. If it did, we’d never be able to focus on anything else. Married love evolves into a caring, trusting, intimacy and feeling of togetherness.
Don’t expect your partner to always understand you or be able to see things from your point of view. No two people are exactly alike, and no one can read your mind. If you want your partner to know where you’re coming from, you’ll have to patiently explain.
Myth: We will always agree on important matters. Spouses tend to share general views on political or social issues. That doesn’t mean they will have the same opinion about every decision that has to be made in the course of life. There’s nothing inherently wrong with disagreement as long as both partners are willing to meet halfway.
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