Dating Tips

Sometimes guys really freak out when it comes to talking with girls. How do I know that, because I was one of them. They were like aliens to me; I just did not how to approach them. However I soon learned that girls are not some freaks that just landed on the planet, they, just like the male of the species have their inhibitions and fears. In other words they are human.

What often happens in our own minds is that we build everything up and by doing so fear making any moves. For example you see a nice looking girl, you think she is too good for you, so what do you do, nothing.

Let’s put it this way, if you feel she is too good for you why don’t you go up and talk with her, you have nothing to loose as you have already decided that it is not going to work out anyway.

So how can you talk with girls without making yourself look like an idiot? The first thing is to relax and smile, don’t try and make conversation, instead ask open ended questions. Do not ask personal questions, and do not interrupt when she is speaking.

Listen to what she has to say and ask follow up questions relative to her hot buttons. Also respect her space, never get too close, and never approach a girl from behind, especially at a bar. The last thing you want to do is make the situation uncomfortable or put her even further on the defensive.

Conversation is about the sharing of ideas and thoughts, so you want to find subjects that you can share together which both of you enjoy. If she gives short answers, don’t hang around too long, there are plenty of wonderful people out there whom you can converse with, so move on.

Let’s pick up where we left off yesterday in terms of the challenge that one might face if you cannot approach a girl in the first place. Some would say this is a problem with self image, the way you think about yourself and this question borders on the, good guy, bad guy argument. The notion that the good guy always comes last.

Normally when referring to the good guy there is the implication that this individual is overly nice, he over compensates and try’s too hard. Now personally I am not sure whether this makes for a nice guy. The key issue here is insecurity and insecurity is not an attractive trait by any means.

We as human beings desperately want security and as a result we seek it out in most everything we do, we look for security in our jobs and in our relationships. It is our instinct to survive. So if you overdo it with a girl in terms of buying her gifts and constantly calling and doting on her, then it reflects insecurity.

This type of behavior is normally associated with the nice guy, because he is always there for the girl, which means that he has no life of his own and is relying on her for his satisfaction and sense of well being.

To me this does not make for a nice guy, this makes for a guy who is dependent and insecure and is using the other for his own benefit. Sure on the surface he may be nice but his motives are selfish nonetheless.

So if you want to attract a girl then you have to begin with your self, if seeking relationship is all about filling your void and getting what you want, then the relationship is not about the other person but about what you want. Both the good guy and bad guy both have motive, but it just seems on the surface that the bad guy is more secure in himself due to his actions.

However there are plenty of good people out there who are both mature and secure within themselves. They are independent but not self serving and these types of individuals are the most attractive.

So who is the pick up artist and has this person made engaging the opposite sex into an art? Is there an art form to picking up somebody whom you may be attracted to? In one respect there may be, in other words you may have some pre-canned chat up lines or you may be good at reading body language and determining the level of interest.

There is often a negative association with the pick up artist due to the fact that many think they are only out for one thing, but let’s be honest, they like anybody else have a certain motive.

Generally speaking a pick up artist plays the numbers game and understands that the more friends he or she makes the greater the odds of success. There is obviously an element of truth to this due to the fact that logically speaking the more people you talk to the more opportunity you create.

You cannot enter into a relationship unless you are willing to engage with others and if you are afraid of doing so, then you will need to address this issue. The main reason fear may be a factor is due to your ideas of who you are or what level of success you can achieve.

These ideas are obviously prejudicial and whatever you think may be a reality for you - but that does not mean others will think the same of you. On the next post we may delve into this in a little more detail

I had trouble, I must admit, when deciding what to call this blog, effective seduction of course is not to imply snide tricks to seduce the opposite sex for your own gain, more importantly what this blog is about is how to be effective when approaching the opposite sex. not how to manipulate or BS the situation, but more importantly and more effectively how to make the other party comfortable and improve your odds of finding your soul mate. After all that is what most of us want, we desire to be in a good relationship and the purpose of this blog is to help you do this.