Ok, you’ve fought, argued, broken up, and now you want to get your ex back. Is there any relationship advice that will work? Learning some more about these topics can help: study intimacy more deeply can help in lots of ways.
When breaking up, what happens for everyone is that our feelings of closeness and connection with our partner get replaced by emotions like anger or betrayal. This is why we fight and break up. It’s just what happens to couples the world over.
But then you started feeling regret. After a day or a week or two you started to feel like you missed those feelings of closeness and connection. The angry or hurt feelings started to get replaced by other feelings. So lets look at this truth about feelings. For the most part, intense feelings like anger do not last. They change!
You understand this from your own life experiences. You’ve been mad at somebody at work and after a day or two the anger diminishes. You’ve been sad about something that happened to you and again, after just a day or two, it goes away. This is important Emotional Logic to notice. Feelings shift and are in flux for all of us.
You know this first hand. While you were breaking up with your ex, you were angry or very hurt and sad. Now, those feelings are being replaced, shifting back to desire and longing for the closeness and connection you had with your mate. Now you want to give it another go. Your feelings have shifted. It seems obvious, but the point is important: feelings change.
However, some feelings can take a while to change. They can get stuck. If your ex doesn’t want to get back together with you, then they are still stuck with feelings of hurt or betrayal. For example, if you cheated on your ex, this brings up strong feelings in them that are hard to deal with. Your ex is likely still filled with powerful emoitons like sadness and shame or rage.
So how can you use something like Emotional Logic to help get back with your ex? Simple. You can help them to vent, to get those bad feelings “off their chest.” Help them to get them out. So, when you talk to them, ask how they are feeling about what you did or the break up. Then try to be quiet and give them time to form up their emotions into words and “vent” them. Listening is an important step in or to Making Up In Hours.
Don’t argue. Don’t defend yourself. That just creates more argument. Instead, make them feel heard and understood. Ten minutes of venting can really help their negative feelings get released. Letting your ex vent all over you a time or two after a break up can help them to let go of anger and move back towards more kindly feelings towards you.
There is more to this process, but supporting your ex in “spilling” and releasing their negative feelings can be a vital part in getting them to take you back into their life. Feelings change, and you want to help their negative feelings change as fast as you can!
You can get a free course here about the specific steps to making up with your ex
