Why is it that couple counseling works really well for some couples and enables them to move on to a happy future together, while other couples seem to only unravel even quicker while they are attending these sessions? When a marriage hits a rough spot some people see therapy as the way out. They somehow think talking is going to make it all better, especially when both people really do not want to get a divorce.
Obviously, there has to be something that makes the difference between couples that eventually restore the marriage and those that simply fall apart, right?
Even the most severe of issues has been successfully worked through in a therapy session, so it is not true that the difference is only in the severity of the problems. This is most people’s assumption but it’s wrong.
The correct answer is that couples who are able to pull through together are the ones that take their sessions and turn it into action at home. Here are some things to consider if you want to improve your chances of making your marriage work through counseling.
First, you have to be open to really listening to what your spouse has to say, even if it hurts. If you go into defensive mode and are just thinking about what to say to prove they are wrong, then you are not really listening. Stop thinking and just listen.
Second, you have to be willing to bare your soul and really state what you believe. You have to be completely open and honest even if it may hurt your spouse. This is how the root issues get uncovered.
Finally, forget all the topics that you normally fight about, such as her lack of housekeeping skills or whatever. Those are just cover ups for the real issues tearing you apart, The real issues will be deeper in your emotions, so get real and stop pointing fingers and blaming one another.
Ultimately, you have to listen wholeheartedly, speak the truth, and then go out of the sessions and put what you learn to use. You have to take action every single day to make things better.
Working things out in couple counseling is ultimately not about the talking. It’s about taking the talking into your everyday life to make the deeper issues all better. This is ultimately what successful couples do to stay together.
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